My Goals for 2021

 

YAY 2021 is here finally! It was not as bad for me as it has been for some though so I thank my lucky stars every day.

 

First, let's go over my resolutions from 2019 for 2020. Well… I failed at these 3 things I chose to work on. Maybe not entirely, but I fell short of what I thought would be goals I could really accomplish.

 

I set 3 goals for myself that were unlike the usual goals people have, of dieting, exercising, etc.. I wanted to be realistic. Besides I already diet and exercise (well no fasting from Oct - Dec for obvs reasons). #1 was read more books. #2 was "unicorn my life" by being more efficient, positive, and cheeky. #3 was be authentic. No more dishonesty or hiding things or being in denial to myself and others. #4 an honorable mention was to travel and go to a baseball spring training game. HAHAHAHAH

 

 

1. I read some books. Partially. I read a full mystery/detective novel, I read half of a book about Prohibition in the USA and a partial book about life after death for pets & their messages to us from 'beyond'. So.. Not exactly 100% fulfilling my goal but I did make the attempt a lot better than previous years. I love to read. Finding time is just… difficult.
2. Unicorning my life wasn't as easy, either, because a lot of the things the "Unicorn your Life" book suggested involved other people, and it was just me & my mate and our 3 cats this year.
3. Being authentic wasn't too bad… I was better at that this year than any year previous. But I still struggle with developing a way to tell if I am in a manic episode. It usually falls on my mate's responsibility to tell me when I am behaving inappropriately. I need to work on this.
4. Honorable mention: Travel. Oh goodness. This one was totally not my fault at all.

 

 

So it looks like I made some progress but have some things to work on.

 

Now for my "resolutions" (I hate that word. I'm never "resolute" about anything - I'm a bipolar Gemini).

 

#1. I need to work on doing things full-heartedly. What I mean by that, is that right now I'm always rushing through things, or trying to do things in the laziest way possible. Chores, work, relationships, I need to buckle down and be more thorough and do things with whole heart. So my first resolution for 2021 is to stop being so fucking lazy. One of the reasons I am like this is because if I am manic, I am in a hurry - time moves way too slow for me so I get frustrated. I need to slow down and take it easy. Mania strategies would help. Also, I grew up in a hoarder household where my dad was lazy and didn’t organize or clean. I need to keep in mind my motivations for doing whatever activity full-heartedly.

 

 

#2. This one is a do-able possibility for 2020, post-vaccination: I'd like to purchase a vehicle. I had my piece of shit towed away in September, and now we only have one car that I can't drive because it's a stick shift, which, fuck those and the people who decide to make them. Yuck. I'd like a decent car, that would be less than 130k miles on it, less than $5000, and preferably no prior damage. I plan on (after a vaccine) looking at cars on the apps, and if I see a good one, I'm telling my mate so she can ask questions and get a carfax, etc. And we're taking it slow and easy, in order to ensure we don't get a lemon.

 

#3. Keep in better touch with my side of the family. I barely ever like to talk on the phone, and for some reason old people do not like to use texting or any other messenger service. So Instead I have to find time and find the will to  make phone calls to both my dads. I spoke with my Step-dad and my Dad on Christmas which was nice, but it made me feel bad because I know my mother would get disappointed with me if she was alive, to know I was not talking much to them or my sister. So I'm realllly going to try and convince them that I use text messaging waaaay more than the phone call bit, so they need to get on it, if they are to hear from me more often. And if I can't… I will have to be a big girl and call them. My sister is good with texts, being that she is an X-er like me. I need to put it into my routine. Do it before it's dark and I'm tired. If I find I have nothing to talk about, I can make a list of things before hand to say. 

 

#4. I need to stop trying to be 'right' all the time, with the last word, perpetuating arguments. I have this need to always explain myself, because I feel like no one understands me and maybe if I just explain why I did things the way I did them, everyone would suddenly understand and see that I am right in my actions. But it doesn't work out that way. Instead, me trying to explain myself just perpetuates arguments and makes things worse. So if I just took accountability instead of needing to prove things, it would make things a lot easier for all parties involved. 

 

So… there. 4 things I think I can work on successfully this year.

 

How to accomplish goal 1: Break things up into baby steps. Ask for help if I need it. Be positive, not negative. Admit accomplishments. Use mania strategies if that is why I am feeling lazy/half-hearted.

 

How to accomplish goal 2: Get a vaccine. Be patient. Listen to my mate. Don't be pushy.

 

How to accomplish goal 3: Make a call once a month to the dads and the sister, even if I feel like there's no time for a phone conversation. Work it into a routine each month. Same day each month even, might make a good routine. Disengage if the call is going too long so I don't feel lateness-phobia or an urgency. Maybe do the calls while it's light out so I don't feel exhausted after each call.

 

How to accomplish goal 4:  Maybe a mantra I can repeat to myself each time I get the "I'm always right" itch would help remind me to let it go. I need to put my arguments on the back burner because half the time I don't even know what my ultimate goal is. I just have to b be right about everything. So something to remind me to chill out on stuff. I don't always need to be right. 

 

2020 was actually, in all positivity, the least stressful year for me. I know it was not that way for most people. Most people lost their jobs and had no money and it was awful. Me and my mate are very very fortunate to work for a company that switched us to remote working when the pandemic got bad, and we continued to earn a living, from home. That gave us a lot more freedoms, too, that I am thankful for. The freedom to get a new kitty and spend time with him and the others. Freedom to shower at lunch time during the day. Not having to get your hair all ready. Working in your pajamas and sweats & tees. Wearing hats while I work. Having things like groceries, restaurants, and alcohol delivered to us. Not having to socialize and feel awkward all the time (being an introvert is hard - the world belongs to extroverts!).

 

So I am super thankful for my job. We even got some bonuses, and I got a yearly raise in July. So 2020 for us was actually not that bad. I did have plans to travel, which won't happen until we're vaccinated now, but other than that, it actually wasn't as bad as the rest of the world feels it is, for us anyway.

 

We did donate $ to causes that were important to us. To help animals, and people.

 

I feel like 2020 , looking back, will have changed a lot of things in our society (at least here in America). It was a difficult year for many, but I think our resilience, and our true adaptability, means things will never be the same again.

 

I even started wearing rings and more jewelry. It just feels good.