COVID19

 So, I had been meaning, for about a year now, to write about my experience living in a world of COVID19. My experience, I realize, is quite different from most people's, so I wanted to share. 

It all started as you know, in around December of 2019. I remember hearing about this new illness on the news, but no one took it seriously at that time because it was originating in China. It wasn't until after the new year it began to be spread here in the United States. We went to a festival to see Dave Matthews Band play a concert on February 29, 2020 and I remember feeling apprehensive because supposedly the virus had reached Arizona where we are. But there were no masks or anything at that time.

On March 15 2020, my workplace said we were going to start an "A" week and "B" week of working from home. Now, our CEO was this old fuddy duddy who really didn't want anyone working from home if he could help it, so we knew it was about to get real bad. Me and my mate were on "A" week, but as soon as we got home and got the computers running with the work software, we were told EVERYONE would be working from home until further notice. *We've been working from home since then.

 

That is when my mate and I settled in for the long run. There really wasn't much of a "quarantine" in Arizona, our douche bag Governor only cared about the economy so it lasted 2 weeks officially, before he opened everything up again in April. 

Around March was when you couldn't find toilet paper. People were fear-hording items like TP, paper towels, and hand sanitizer. We luckily had about a 2 or 3 months supply of TP otherwise we would've had to use leaves from the Orange tree outside. 

It was at that time that we began utilizing delivery as our only option for food and items. Doordash, Grubhub, Uber Eats, Postmates. WalMart delivered, so does Safeway and Fry's (Smiths/Ralphs/FredMeyer for all you elsewhere living people). So that is what we did. And still do!

Then as time went on and masks became a thing, you had idiot people refusing to wear them, or arguing against them. These are called "COVIDIOTS" - an apt name. Mostly republicans and conservatives, who listen to incorrect information, were these anti maskers. Wait till I talk about vaccines!

 

So we literally went to no single place other than the vet, where we set the carrier on the hood of the car whilst some underpaid "essential worker" came and got the cat, did their thing, and then brought him back to the hood of the car. We had no contact with people. We would take walks around the neighborhood, but that is it. We would drive the car around the block and air up the tires to make sure it would still run properly. 

In April and May of 2022 we finally could get our vaccines. Later, in October, we got our boosters. In June there was FINALLY a lull in the virus, so me and my mate met up with a co-worker friend of ours at a bar for some drinks, maskless. It felt super weird - and then just a few days later, the Delta variant emerged. Goddamit. So back in our house we went. And then the Omicron variant hit later in the year making it even more important that we stay in. 

 

My mate says 2021 was worse than 2020 because at least in 20, everyone was stuck inside, the world stopped. But then in 21, the world went on like normal again, but we didn't. We stayed in. I don't care if we're vaccinated. I don't want to get COVID because mostly due to long-haulers. They just don't know what will happen to your body in the long run. You could get the 'VID and just have a headache for a couple days, but then 4 months later you've got kidney disease or diabetes. Yikes, no thank you.

So inside, we still are. Inside as in, inside our own world. We still take walks and such. But delivery is the way to go. We do make a few excursions every so often to the Total Wine & More store for beverages, fully masked of course. But that's like once every 3 months or so to stock up.

I don't mind it one bit. I thought I'd have a serious problem with it. Being a Gemini, and all. But I am an introvert. Being around people makes me tired! I love staying at home all the time. All the extroverts in the world were like "wahhhh I am sad" when they were stuck working from home, indoors, staying away from places. Me and my mate, introverts, were like YAY WE CAN ALL STAY HOME!!!

And, that is kind of where we are now. Home. Staying. With a few excursions once in a long while. I wouldn't travel on a plane (Mostly because I'm scared I'll be next to the passenger that refuses to wear a mask and beats up the flight attendant). I wouldn't go anywhere without a mask. I refuse to go to any restaurant or bar or anywhere that makes you put on a mask but then you have to lower it to drink or take a bite of food - I mean, how stupid is that? That's just optics.

And this shit isn't going to be over anytime soon. Only 70% of the country is fully vaccinated because people are stupid. There is soooo much misinformation, mostly spread by right-leaning conservative douche bags, about the vaccines. So until people can get their shit together, it's going to be another year or two before COVID dies out.

Well, that's my story. Let me know if I forgot anything. Ha.

If I did, I'll edit and add more later.

Writing

 I am supposed to write but I really don't have anything to say currently.

I would like to be mastering my songs and then getting them uploaded to Spotify. That would be a much more productive use of my time, I'd think... but I am supposed to write.

So um. Let's see. I hurt my back on New Year's day and it's gotten better, it had been excruciating and I had to ice it and take lots of Tylenol. It was a 6 on the pain scale. Real ouchy. Now it is a 3. So much better, I can ignore it mostly.

We were supposed to be having nothing but soup starting yesterday but we had low blood sugar issues, so we ended up today having a half sandwhich with our soup. l think it might be working better that way.

I really wish the coffee table, where my laptop is, was closer to the couch. My back is starting to ache just by leaning forward to where I am almost having my chest touch my knees. I am getting old! 42 doesn't sound old to me but when I think about how my body is not where it was 12 years ago... I am old.

Speaking of old, I still want to go to Churchill MB when I turn 50. I saw on a show called "I was Prey" though that a girl almost got et by a polar bear. I'll have to be super careful. I love polar bears but not enough to want to be their meal.

My computer is freaking out .. dont know what is wrong. I am not doing it, but it is doing stuff on it's own.. wtf! I gotta go fix this...

New Years... um, Goals.

 So instead of calling them New Years Resolutions... I am going to simply call them "goals". Resolutions is such a powerful word, and I am not trying to force myself into anything majorly crazy like that. I just have some goals. 

- Keep running 1 mile everyday, keep lifting weights, add abdominal workouts at breaktimes

- Eat less/smaller portions

- Eat healthier/Cook more & order delivery less

- Drink at least 16 cups of water everyday, more during Arizizzle.

- Keep doing my reminders that pop up on my phone, such as taking my medicine on time, cleaning the litterboxes in the morning, etc. 

-- The ultimate goal is to lose 10 lbs by my birthday in June, which should be easy to do if we stick to it. The thing is, we both have to motivate and lift each other up. 

Also, something else I'd like to do, is keep up with the psybient releases each month, as they come out, from psybient.org. That way I can choose good ones as-I-go throughout the year instead of listen to 200 albums in October - December. 

Today my mate and I made a poster for ideas to help us be healthier in the kitchen. Tips & tricks, if you will. We're hanging it in the kitchen, in fact. It lists things such as "keep hydrated", "intermittent fasting", and "motivational quotes as desktop background". It's a way to remind us that this is important to us. Next week we're just living off of soup. Just soup, yep. Then we'll start fasting again. 

On a completely unrelated note, I have the song "Wolves" by MISSIO stuck in my head and I can't get it out. 

Ok back on track, /tangent, Tonight is New Years Eve, we're going to TRY an stay up as late as we can - if we make it past 8pm I will be super surprised, haha. For dinner we are having fondue, using a new recipe that we saw on TV. It's a tradition for us to do Fondue on NYE every year. One of my favorite things. 

2021 wasn't a bad year, for me anyway. Here's to 2022: May it be a great year, free of COVID. (We'll see about that). 

Best Times of 2021

 Here's the entry I was excited to write. The BEST of 2021 for me. This year really was not a bad year, and it was difficult to write up a "worst of". So many good, or even neutral things happened this year. So let's get right to it.

- We got a kitten for our kitten so our kitten can kitten. We introduced Angus to the family, he's a little orange guy. He's really sweet but right now is going through his terrible two's and acting a fool. He is always smiling though, and is a joy to have around. He is friends with everyone, and brought out the social/playful nature of Choco-Luv, who plays like she's 6 months old but is really 15 years old. 

- Laurel's computer crapped out on her. Actually, 2 of them did to be specific. While this sounds like a bad thing - and it wasn't great - it ended up being a blessing in disguise because I purchased a better laptop for her. It's a gaming computer, and she doesn't play games but that just means the graphics and sound card, processor speed, RAM and hard drive space are all superior. The keyboard lights up in different colors. It's sturdy and military-grade tough (the type of computer is actually called "Tuf" too). 

- I ran 1 mile every single day for over a year. It would've been 2 years, but in August of 2020 I had West Nile from a mosquito bite, which gave me hives which meant I couldn't put a bra or, really any clothing on, and I can't run without a bra. So that is pretty good over all. 

- Usually from October - January it becomes "food time" and we gain 15 lbs. But this year we didn't do nearly as bad as we thought we would. I gained about 4 lbs, which really doesn't bother me because of one of my goals I have set up for the new year - exercise and eating smaller portions. It'll happen.

- We had monsoons this year!! The past 2 years it was non-soons, so for the storms to come our way again finally, it was really nice. We enjoyed sitting out on the patio under the carport while it just poured down crazy rain.

- My dad, one of the first of the boomer (flip phone loving) generation (I think? He was born in 1945) was given a smartphone by a friend of his, and he tried to use it and hated it, so he gave it to me. Subsequently, he stuck with his flip phone. I think he finally figured out how to receive text messages just recently. Anyway... He didn't know what it was so I didn't expect to like it, but when I received it in the mail and opened it, I found out it was a Motorola One 5G, 128gig smartphone. It's been a pretty good phone and it replaced the one that I had been using which was a Samsung S9 cheapy phone. I got a new wallet case for it, for christmas from my mate. 

- We got to stay working from home this whole year. We don't go back until maybe March, if that. It's been super nice. We have our routines, and working from home helps us maintain those. I'm an introvert, so staying home really eases my anxiety a lot.

- Cooking. We didn't do it all that often, but when the 2 of us cooked together, we had a great time. We signed up for Hello Fresh and now end up cooking more often as a result. It's fun doing it as an activity we both can have fun together with, whilst imbibing on a tasty beverage. Just the other day we (she) made her infamous (maybe one day) Beef Stronagoff. I baked an apple pie from scratch a few months ago. It was pretty good. Cooking with my mate is enjoyable.

- We got rid of peice of shit CenturyLink who refused to do anything to provide more than 1.5mbps internet to us. We got tired of constantly having our connections drop while working. I received an ad in the mail for T-Mobile Home Internet and after we discussed it, switched. It is soooo much faster and can handle a heavier amount of simultaneous connections. I get about 50mbps now. It does disconnect once in a while, but not every day like CL did. 

- I switched from Boost Mobile to Mint to US Mobile this past year. I had problems with US Mobile's GSM (T-Mobile towers) service and it was ongoing for about 2 months and they moved me to their Super LTE (Verizon towers) service and since then, has been excellent. My plan is less than $20 incl. tax, for 5 gigs of data and unlimited talk & text. Since our internet from T-Mobile is a total beast, I don't need to use cellular data as much (barely any, really). 

-  Swimply app? Maybe Swimly. Anyway, either way it is awesome. It let's you rent swimming pools at other people's houses. We've used it twice. Each time, we had a blast. The first time we were in Scottsdale at some dude's house, and we played with the beach ball back & forth seeing who could spike it the most without it touching the water. The 2nd time was in Chandler, and it was another dude's house, he had a TV with Amazon Music (or some such thing -- I spoke to Alexa, and told her what to play) so we listened to music and had fun with a beverage or two. What a fabulous idea, renting other people's swimming pools! 

- Being with my mate is probably the single most bestest part of the year. I've gotten to spend the past 12 years with her, but it never gets old. We laugh, we cry, we smile, we laugh again. Ok we don't really cry but you got the point. We have a strong connection. My heart grows 3 times bigger whenever I get to hold her or give her a kiss. She is my world. I wouldn't be the same person without her, she makes me better and I love her for it. So the best part of 2021 was being able to spend it with her - and our little kitty family. 

- Music. SO MUCH GOOD MUSIC in the chillout/electronic world for 2021. (see my top 10 below). It was actually pretty hard this year choosing a top 10 and then a top 5 out of those, and then a 1st place winner. I feel like I didn't get nearly enough time this year though to listen to all of it. I was impressed that, at least in the electronic world (I can't say the same for the rock/pop/country/other world) that they spent being locked down making marvelous music. I even made some in 2020 but alas.. I didn't really publish it. It's on Soundclick and Soundcloud, but not up on Spotify yet. We'll get there.

So that was my year. A pretty good year. As Tori Amos would say.

Worst Times of 2021

 I'm doing a best-of and worst-of 2021. I figured I'd start with the worst so that I end on a positive note. It really was not a terrible year like some people seem to think. We finally felt comfortable enough, before Omicron and before Delta, to venture out in the world again. In 2020, the year before, we may not have had a very long lock-down period here in Arizona, but for us, the whole year was staying home. This year we went to the Total Wine & More a few times, the MyBeerWine store once or twice, and before my birthday last June, met up with a co-worker friend for drinks. That's it, though. With the spread of COVID variants, it just wasn't a good idea, despite being vaccinated, to go anywhere that often. We got our first vaccines in April at the Mesa convention center, then the 2nd shot a few weeks later, was also in Mesa. Our booster came in October, at a CVS pharmacy. We are as vaccinated as you CAN be right now but we do not want COVID. If even I don't have any symptoms, I am worried about long-haulers. Man, people be getting kidney disease 'n shit. So home, we are. But that doesn't bother me as much as I always thought it would. I enjoy my little family and being with them. My days are fairly routine, but thats good for me and my bipolar disorder. I am pretty happy. So this list, the worst times of my 2021, will be rather difficult. That being said, here they are:

- Sometime in September (I think) me and my mate got into a big fight. I was in a mixed episode, and felt angry. Everything bothered me. I felt rage, jealousy, darkness. I wanted to hear dark music. I wanted to be by myself. I hated people, I hated the world. And one day, I just wouldn't stop running my mouth at her, so she sprayed me with a water bottle and somehow we ended up on the floor wrestling. I felt so terrible and awful immediately afterward. I snapped out of my pettiness and angst, and started trying to use better strategies to deal with my "mood". I felt really bad. I am not a violent person, I don't wrestle people. I'm not USUALLY a jerk, either. That day, I was, and it still bothers me that I was like that, to this day.

- Sore arms after COVID shots. The first shot didn't hurt that bad but the 2nd one hurt like crazy, and I even got a little sick afterward. The booster hurt moderately and I started to feel kind of icky but it went away. It was so worth it though.

- A new pain introduced itself this year. I call the area my "Pelvileghip" That's pelvi-leg-hip because where the femur meets the pelvis has a problem, down by my crotch area. It pops and clicks and feels like it's rubbing. It's tender and sore, and I read it might be osteoarthritis of the hip. A couple tylenol helps the pain. The funny thing is, I have a bad back and my back hurts when I stand for too long, but my pelvileghip hurts when I sit for too long. I just can't win with these body parts.

- Goose, the oldest cat, is going blind. We've had to move things around and make it easier for him, with hits access to the fountain water on the counter (We'd put them on the floor if the power outlets in the bathrooms were toward the floor, but they are at the counters). We put lights up around the house at night so he can find his way since he really can't see in the dark. Poor buddy.

- My mate's father in Nevada has Parkinson's disease, and just the other day ran the car into a median in the snow and totalled the bottom of it, on his way to the casino. It's dangerous for him to be driving. We're hoping her mother took the keys and cash away. Gotta keep him safe. Her mom is super worried now though, and hopes she doesn't have to retire soon.

- My mate was having some problems at work. Her supervisor and team lead were harassing her/micro-managing and it was getting out of hand. Her stress level went through the roof and she had problems sleeping and having really awful anxiety. It was no good. 

That is all I could think of that went even sort of bad this year. It really was a decent year. Coming up... the best times of 2021.

All The Colors Mix Together, to...

 

As any of you would know, I am a big Dave Matthews Band fan. So recently, the mate and I did a little music project where we ranked each song from their studio albums from least favorite to most favorite. The list is somewhat surprising, because since this project required a lot of listens, a lot of songs I didn't know as well or listen to as much became higher on the list.

All in all it was a fun project and I'd do it again for a different favorite. I guess I should just Dive In.

Least Favorite to Most Favorite Dave Matthews Band studios:

First, the "Skips"::

Where Are You Going - Somehow my most hated song of theirs. I'm not even really sure why. Something about it just really rubs me the wrong way. Might be the melody, the tune, the words, I don't know.

Sleep To Dream Her - This song just annoys me and I skip it. 

Christmas Song - I am not a christian so it doesn't tick any of my boxes. Also, I don't like the way Dave sings it. 

Let You Down - Even the band doesn't like their own song. This one is a major skip. It's been played a few handful of times but that's it.

Mother Father - You'd think a Santana song would be uplifting but... no I just really don't like it. Skip.

Say Goodbye - A Fan favorite. During the concerts I go to the port o potty during this one... or go get another beer. It's a song about adultery and one night stand.. no thank you.

Lover Lay Down - A song about Dave wanting to get some girl in the sack that he's beon pining for. Not a terrible song, but it just doesn't do anything for me, so I skip it.

Now, for the "Meh" group ::

#35 - Too short to be a real song but I can dig where they were going with this.

When I'm Weary - Kind of annoying but I don't hate it as much as Lover Lay Down. Something about the way the lyrics are sung bothers me.

Belly Full - A short, sweet song, nothing special 

Pay For What You Get (Remember Two Things version) - This song is an older one so it's been heard. Been there done that.

Steady As We Go - Kind of boring.

Baby Blue - Another slightly annoying song, kind of boring, nothing I can even remember right now

I'll Back You Up - Another fan favorite that I don't really jive with that well. Maybe I used to really like it but you know when you hear it a lot it goes down hill.

Here On Out - Just not that memorable of a song.

Dreams of Our Fathers - The song where Dave sings about his kids (with exception of one or two) bug me. Probably because I don't have kids.

Mercy - Another "If we work together we can change the world song" - nah

Stolen Away on 55th & 3rd (Is that the song name? I always just refer to it as "stolen away") - Another slightly annoying song, I don't like the way the lyrics are sung/melody.

The Song That Jane Likes (R2T Solo Acoustic) - His voice was verrrrry nasal in this draft.

Angel - This song is annoying but not as bad as "When I'm Weary".

 

Now some "Okay/Neutral" songs. ::

Dream Girl - This song is alright. Nothing special. But I would enjoy it live.

When The World Ends - Another song that I've heard too many times to enjoy

Everybody Wake Up - Another "If we work together we can change the world song"

Fool To Think - A song about a possible missed connection. Not bad but the song is just ok.

Hunger For The Great Light - A song about oral sex. Well, aren't all Dave songs about oral sex mostly?

Out of My Hands - getting a little dark, but it  is a pretty good song.

Come on, Come on - Just ok. Doesn't do much for me but I wouldn't get up during the concert.

 #34 - A tribute/memorial song. It really is a lovely little jam.

Come Tomorrow - Another song about children and what will they experience when their world is older?

Snow Outside - This is alright. Nothing importantly special for me.

Do You Remember - I do not like the way it is sung but I like the music a lot.

Song That Jane Likes - Full band version, very good but just a little to mellow for me.

Typical Situation - This song is another one about changing the world, I think. It is alright.

Satellite  (R2T version) - Just ok. The other version is much more lively and full sounding.

Crash Into Me - Another instance of hearing it too often. Makes the heart grow less fonder, I think. A good song, but I don't like to hear it much.

Kit Kat Jam - On the Lillywhite Sessions this song has lyrics. On the official studio album "Busted Stuff" it does not which makes it farther down the list than it would have been.

Mercy (Live) - This version is a little better. I like the jam.

Belly Belly Nice - Peach juice dripping down your face (oral sex) anyone?

Proudest Monkey - Dave sings about monkeys a lot.

Minarets - This song is dope live but the studio version is so mellow.

Pig - I used to really love this one but it's alright now.

That Girl Is You - Again, live this one is awesome - especially with the Preservation Jazz Hall Band, but unfortunately the studio version sounds like Dave is skinning a cat. Stop drinking milk, dude.

Broken Things - Not bad not great.

Satellite - I do like this song, but decided I wouldn't rate it above the rest. This is the "Under The Table and Dreaming" version. More gusto!

 

 

Now for the "Good" list. Songs I do like much more :: 

Bkdkdkdd - A very small/short little jam on "Come Tomorrow". It sounds like the beginning of "Be Myself" which is one I figured and hoped they'd put on an album. Hmm..

American Baby - Pretty good song. But I'm not sure if Dave sings "Stay... American Baby" or "Stay American, baby."

Cry Freedom - A song about SA's apartheid. Very powerful.

American Baby Intro - Love the jam here.

What Would You Say - I know, right? Thought this one would be lower but it is a pretty funky bluesy hip song to jive around to.

Dancing Nancies - Dave solo acoustic live version. Nothing special but a damn good song.

Old Dirt Hill - Bring that beat back!! Yes! Great jam, good aesthetics in my head to this one. Riding your bike, kissing under a railroad trestle... etc

Spoon - Album version features Alanis Morrisette. I like it. But live... features Brandi Carlile @ the Gorge back in the day - so good!

Recently - Another good one although I indeed have listened to this one way too many times.

Spaceman - A lovely song.

Smooth Rider - A song about me. JK really though, too short - they should have had a jam on this one.

Can't Stop - Better than the original Batson Sessions version, but a lot of fun especially live.

What You Are - A pretty raucous track, this one also is especially fun live.

Seven - Another dirty song. Dave?

Everyday - The video features a dude hugging everyone he sees which is kinda cool. It's a sweet song.

Idea of You - I won't pull your hair or kick your shin... I swear.

Ants Marching - R2T version (live) so this is a great song but back on their early days it just wasn't as full sounding, it was still pretty mellow.

Again and Again - I like this one, and I think I may have seen it live but I can't recall.

Virginia In The Rain - At first this one was too boring but I love the melody now.

Time Bomb - Another fun jam live, and on the studio not bad.

I Did It - Hated this one when I first heard it (I was mad about the Lillywhite Sessions) but I dig it now, it is a fun little ditty

The Dreaming Tree - What a lovely, beautiful song

Drunken Soldier - I remember seeing this one at the Gorge, wow! Good one.

Granny - Ahhh yes, everyone's super fan favorite. But the studio version isn't as good as live.

Tripping Billies - R2T version - fun but not as full sounding.

So Much To Say - Should link y'all to my mate's dance on video she did to this one. She won 2nd place at a talent show.

Best of What's Around - A fun song.

Gaucho - Would be better live, without the kids' choir.

Gaucho Live - That's better.

Grace is Gone - Aw, love this one. I liked the Lillywhite Sesh version until I heard the beginning of this version and like this one better now.

Sweet - This is a cute song, rare one I like, bout teaching his son to swim.

Too Much - The ultimate concert/festival song - over indulgence. So me.

Stay (Wasting Time) - This is always a fun one. I used to not like the "lovely ladies" on it but I do now. 

Lying In The Hands of God - A good one, be even better live?

Lying In The Hands of God (Live) - Yes.

The Riff - It grew on me. This one used to be just a "ok"

Beach Ball - Good fun song. I hope someone actually rolls around a beach ball during this one live. They prob have.

Rooftop - I used to also not like this one as much as I do now. Good song!!

Now we're at the AWESOME ones!! ::

Drive In Drive Out - A fun, funky song to jam to, especially live.

Captain - This version was not IMO as good as the Lillywhite Sessions but it grew on me. It's got some jazzy funky-ness going on

Busted Stuff - Catch myself singing this one sometimes.

Sweet (Live) - Love the ukulele.

She - Rock out, Dave!

Black and Blue Bird - This is a sweet little song, love the part about Stardust and Canis Major.

Dive In - Love the way this one is sung and the melody. It is nice.

Lie In Our Graves - Getting into jam territory! Love the message of this one. Why lie in our graves dreaming of things that we might've been could've been, maybe?

Tripping Billies (Crash version) - Funky, fresh, hip... fun as an encore or set closer.

Ants Marching - The fan icon song. Tons of fun live, but also this studio version is spotless.

Shake Me Like a Monkey (Live) - So fun. Yes yes Dave you like to go down on your wife, we get it!

Diggin' a Ditch - Who doesn't unplug everything and take a hot bubble bath while listening to music and sipping on wine?

If Only - A good song about 'wanting you back' - my favorite from Away From The World I believe.

 Funny The Way It Is - I used to get this one mixed up with You Never Know - it's like a continuation of that one if you ask me. 

You Never Know - Love this one. You just really never know - I mean, so funny the way it is!

Samurai Cop (Oh Joy Begin) - This one makes me cry especially thinking about it in terms of myself, like my mom gives birth to me and my joy begins, makes me think of her and I miss her.

Louisiana Bayou - Fun, funky, I can see myself blasting this one while walking down the streets of the French Quarter soon

Rapunzel - Oh yes, he never sings about oral sex does he? Anyway a fun really funky jam

You & Me (live) - Another sweet one. You and me together, we can do anything, baby - pack your bags, something small..

The Last Stop - Perhaps their most crazy powerful RAAWWWWWWRRRRR song that they have next to Don't Drink The Water. BAM in your face.

Alligator Pie (live) fun and funky and again, I'm so going to blast this one in the french quarter soon...

Why I Am - love the nods to Leroi (late sax player) in this one.

Shake Me Like A Monkey (studio version) - I like this one more than the live one included on the album simply because Dave's voice doesn't crack.

 You & Me (studio) - A sweet one.

Two Step - Man this song live... I have no words. 18 minute jam anyone? Go watch the Summer Tour Warm Up 9.8.12 from California. Holy hell. A monster. But the studio here, is super good. Tim Reynolds for the win!

Squirm - A funny story. At the Gorge some dude vomited in the row in front of us and the band started playing Squirm "...Open up your mouth... it's coming out..." so great.

Hello Again - Singing about murder. Good old murder. Dave's sister when he was young was killed by her husband and I think this song is about that.

Seek Up - Studio version is kinda weak, a little lacking in the "OOMF" department. But live, wow!

Dancing Nancies - Again live this is better, but this studio version is damn good and so much fun to sing to. Could I have been anyone other than me?

Warehouse - This warehouse frightens me. No, for real. Live it makes wind blow, but this studio version, very very good.

Bartender - Oh man, he gives it his absolute ALL in this one, especially the Lillywhite Sessions version, but this one they put a little more thought into and it sounds really great.

Halloween - Oh my god talk about RAW pure emotion. Dave screams not to scream for screaming's sake but to show how horrible he felt when the song was written - We've all been there with a torn up heart before.

Big Eyed Fish - A cautionary tale? A cute tale? A song about monkeys and fish? Yes, all of that.

The Stone - Triumphantly epic, moody, and beautiful lyrics. I was just hoping that you'd come along, hold up my head when my head won't hold on... I'll do the same if the same's what you want, if not I'll go...

You Might Die Trying - This jam has got me. And the lyrics though there aren't many, are damn good. Sing along at a campfire perhaps?

One Sweet World - A song about saving the planet. Done in an upbeat, fun, funky, fresh, and  totally sing-along-able way!

Top 5, Drum Roll please!!

Rhyme & Reason - Singing about the lowest point in your life but while nearly screaming your head off about it... yes.

Jimi Thing - Who hasn't just sat back and relaxed, smoked some weed and had a drink or two whilst contemplating the ills that befall us? Now, the live version is um.. well, I think the longest Jimi Thing was over 20 minutes long. Fuck yeah that jam. 

Crush - Me and my mate's love song! While not just a romantic love song, but man that jam at the end.. hell yes.

Don't Drink The Water - I have native sympathy. Always have. Love the culture, the music, and their history make me angry. And this song... stirs all of that up. Album version is kinda slow. But deep and powerful. Live though, just go home after this one, it's all you need to pump you the fuck up.

And my #1 all time favotie Dave Matthews Band song is...

Grey Street - She thinks hey, how could I come to this? I've dreamt myself a million times around the world, and can't seem to get out of this place! A song about a sad girl. Depression has hit us all at one point or another, and this song hits it square in the head. It isn't just the words/lyrics. The melody, and the harmony between the violin (Boyd Tinsley rest in... whatever you're resting in) and saxophone are triumphantly gorgeous. The whole song is brought together by the sensation that when you're sad... all the colors mix together, to grey.

There you have it, every Dave song on the studios ranked. I'm spell checking and such, but if I don't catch something, pardon me. Anyway a lot of these, after several listens, was a surprise to me.

I would love to see YOUR list, so if you do make one, let me know!

My Goals for 2021

 

YAY 2021 is here finally! It was not as bad for me as it has been for some though so I thank my lucky stars every day.

 

First, let's go over my resolutions from 2019 for 2020. Well… I failed at these 3 things I chose to work on. Maybe not entirely, but I fell short of what I thought would be goals I could really accomplish.

 

I set 3 goals for myself that were unlike the usual goals people have, of dieting, exercising, etc.. I wanted to be realistic. Besides I already diet and exercise (well no fasting from Oct - Dec for obvs reasons). #1 was read more books. #2 was "unicorn my life" by being more efficient, positive, and cheeky. #3 was be authentic. No more dishonesty or hiding things or being in denial to myself and others. #4 an honorable mention was to travel and go to a baseball spring training game. HAHAHAHAH

 

 

1. I read some books. Partially. I read a full mystery/detective novel, I read half of a book about Prohibition in the USA and a partial book about life after death for pets & their messages to us from 'beyond'. So.. Not exactly 100% fulfilling my goal but I did make the attempt a lot better than previous years. I love to read. Finding time is just… difficult.
2. Unicorning my life wasn't as easy, either, because a lot of the things the "Unicorn your Life" book suggested involved other people, and it was just me & my mate and our 3 cats this year.
3. Being authentic wasn't too bad… I was better at that this year than any year previous. But I still struggle with developing a way to tell if I am in a manic episode. It usually falls on my mate's responsibility to tell me when I am behaving inappropriately. I need to work on this.
4. Honorable mention: Travel. Oh goodness. This one was totally not my fault at all.

 

 

So it looks like I made some progress but have some things to work on.

 

Now for my "resolutions" (I hate that word. I'm never "resolute" about anything - I'm a bipolar Gemini).

 

#1. I need to work on doing things full-heartedly. What I mean by that, is that right now I'm always rushing through things, or trying to do things in the laziest way possible. Chores, work, relationships, I need to buckle down and be more thorough and do things with whole heart. So my first resolution for 2021 is to stop being so fucking lazy. One of the reasons I am like this is because if I am manic, I am in a hurry - time moves way too slow for me so I get frustrated. I need to slow down and take it easy. Mania strategies would help. Also, I grew up in a hoarder household where my dad was lazy and didn’t organize or clean. I need to keep in mind my motivations for doing whatever activity full-heartedly.

 

 

#2. This one is a do-able possibility for 2020, post-vaccination: I'd like to purchase a vehicle. I had my piece of shit towed away in September, and now we only have one car that I can't drive because it's a stick shift, which, fuck those and the people who decide to make them. Yuck. I'd like a decent car, that would be less than 130k miles on it, less than $5000, and preferably no prior damage. I plan on (after a vaccine) looking at cars on the apps, and if I see a good one, I'm telling my mate so she can ask questions and get a carfax, etc. And we're taking it slow and easy, in order to ensure we don't get a lemon.

 

#3. Keep in better touch with my side of the family. I barely ever like to talk on the phone, and for some reason old people do not like to use texting or any other messenger service. So Instead I have to find time and find the will to  make phone calls to both my dads. I spoke with my Step-dad and my Dad on Christmas which was nice, but it made me feel bad because I know my mother would get disappointed with me if she was alive, to know I was not talking much to them or my sister. So I'm realllly going to try and convince them that I use text messaging waaaay more than the phone call bit, so they need to get on it, if they are to hear from me more often. And if I can't… I will have to be a big girl and call them. My sister is good with texts, being that she is an X-er like me. I need to put it into my routine. Do it before it's dark and I'm tired. If I find I have nothing to talk about, I can make a list of things before hand to say. 

 

#4. I need to stop trying to be 'right' all the time, with the last word, perpetuating arguments. I have this need to always explain myself, because I feel like no one understands me and maybe if I just explain why I did things the way I did them, everyone would suddenly understand and see that I am right in my actions. But it doesn't work out that way. Instead, me trying to explain myself just perpetuates arguments and makes things worse. So if I just took accountability instead of needing to prove things, it would make things a lot easier for all parties involved. 

 

So… there. 4 things I think I can work on successfully this year.

 

How to accomplish goal 1: Break things up into baby steps. Ask for help if I need it. Be positive, not negative. Admit accomplishments. Use mania strategies if that is why I am feeling lazy/half-hearted.

 

How to accomplish goal 2: Get a vaccine. Be patient. Listen to my mate. Don't be pushy.

 

How to accomplish goal 3: Make a call once a month to the dads and the sister, even if I feel like there's no time for a phone conversation. Work it into a routine each month. Same day each month even, might make a good routine. Disengage if the call is going too long so I don't feel lateness-phobia or an urgency. Maybe do the calls while it's light out so I don't feel exhausted after each call.

 

How to accomplish goal 4:  Maybe a mantra I can repeat to myself each time I get the "I'm always right" itch would help remind me to let it go. I need to put my arguments on the back burner because half the time I don't even know what my ultimate goal is. I just have to b be right about everything. So something to remind me to chill out on stuff. I don't always need to be right. 

 

2020 was actually, in all positivity, the least stressful year for me. I know it was not that way for most people. Most people lost their jobs and had no money and it was awful. Me and my mate are very very fortunate to work for a company that switched us to remote working when the pandemic got bad, and we continued to earn a living, from home. That gave us a lot more freedoms, too, that I am thankful for. The freedom to get a new kitty and spend time with him and the others. Freedom to shower at lunch time during the day. Not having to get your hair all ready. Working in your pajamas and sweats & tees. Wearing hats while I work. Having things like groceries, restaurants, and alcohol delivered to us. Not having to socialize and feel awkward all the time (being an introvert is hard - the world belongs to extroverts!).

 

So I am super thankful for my job. We even got some bonuses, and I got a yearly raise in July. So 2020 for us was actually not that bad. I did have plans to travel, which won't happen until we're vaccinated now, but other than that, it actually wasn't as bad as the rest of the world feels it is, for us anyway.

 

We did donate $ to causes that were important to us. To help animals, and people.

 

I feel like 2020 , looking back, will have changed a lot of things in our society (at least here in America). It was a difficult year for many, but I think our resilience, and our true adaptability, means things will never be the same again.

 

I even started wearing rings and more jewelry. It just feels good.