Honey, without all the exes, fights and flaws, we wouldn't be standing here so tall

 So, I feel weird. For a day or so now I have felt rather sad, emotional, and sensitive. I actually burst out sobbing when my mate spoke mildly harsh to me. She wasn't being mean or anything, she was just confused as to why I was acting dumb and stupid, and I had no idea why. I just burst out.

I skipped a dose of Abilify last night. Usually if that is 'pulling me down' then it helps to remove it from my system for a day or two. I am on the max dose of Wellbutrin, and I decline any SSRI's because of their intensely sickening withdrawal symptoms.

So I have to rely on strategies that I have in place to help myself out of this way of thinking. I can play board games, draw/color, do art stuff, take a walk (though it's rainy and cold now), meditate, deep breathing, exercise, etc... but I am feeling incredibly lazy with a lack of motivation.

I have no idea why I feel this way. I mean, yeah, I know, I have bipolar... but that isn't what I mean. I mean I didn't have a specific trigger that made me start feeling bad. I just started feeling bad for no apparent reason.

I had been relatively stable for a few weeks. When I am stable I always think to myself, "Just change the way you're thinking when you start to feel bad. Just be happy." I get mad when non-mentally ill people say shit like that. Why did I? I forgot that the sadness kinda consumes you, it eats it's way inside your head until there's just grey and ashes.

You'd think I would be 10x more excited about having my music up on Spotify and other streaming services right? I am, but my enthusiasm had a low threshold. In fact my self esteem is wobbly about it. Who's going to listen to it? If anyone hears it, will they like it? Am I good enough? I usually do not have a big problem with self esteem (any more-- childhood is another story). So why am I acting this way?

I feel bad for my mate, she has to put up with me. I must be a real drag to be around right now. I am really trying super hard to fake it till I make it and white knuckle the flat numbness that is starting to encircle me.

What a joyous blog entry.

I will leave you with a wonderous AI art picture that I generated a few weeks ago.

ManiK Fox To The Rescue!

 

My album is now available to stream on most streaming platforms, including Spotify, Apple Music, Instagram, Facebook, Youtube, and many more!

https://open.spotify.com/artist/039XUAaSEE9k4HoKNdNCS5?si=UfZigAoHSheai8QnBy-9oA

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCEklJKx5BmUwPDLdoG_0Fbw

The Distribution of ManiK Fox

 I finally got my tracks mastered and sent for distribution to Spotify and other platforms. 

I will post in here when they are up so you can listen!

Just Another ManiK Tuesday

 More ManiK Fox goodness for your soul:

New Track on Soundcloud!  = A new track, Underground Cybernetic City. 

I should have named it "Underground CybernetiK City" shouldn't have I? 

Ok wait just a sec...

Done. I renamed it, thank you for your input.

When I Walk In The Room I Can Make The Whole Place Shimmer

 Just a reminder, a shameless promotion, that I've created some new tracks that I threw up onto my SoundCloud... check them out if you'd be so kind.

https://on.soundcloud.com/jGYkF

 and..

https://on.soundcloud.com/t68VT

https://on.soundcloud.com/Vxwoa 

 

 

 

I Can See How This Is Gonna Go

I have some news. We decided to put off the move to Indy until a year from now when we can have more money saved up. And, more time to plan and pack for it. Right now it would be a gigantic headache and we'd be scraping the bottom of the barrel. 

St. Louis might be the most dangerous city in America, but we are taking precautions, and being vigilant and aware of our surroundings at all time when we're out. We will be ok until we move. 

Wednesday night my mate went to go close the blinds in the other room when she noticed fire down the street. I went to look and sure enough, there was a car on fire. I figured someone had probably called 911 by then, but my mate called anyway, and the fire trucks arrived maybe 8 minutes later (and the fire had been going for 5 minutes before calling). The fire dept was able to quash the fire before it reached the building it parked next to.

The thing is, we never  hear about this stuff that we see, on any blotter, or Nextdoor app, or anything.  Something crazy we will see, and no one is talking about it. Never. It's an add phenomenon that we both have noticed.

 

In other news, one of our cats has taken a liking to climbing the shelf by the window and hoisting himself up onto the rim of the wall, under the ceiling (our walls don't go all the way to the top).  

                                                            My mate, helping the cat down 

Needless to say, we had to re-arrange more furniture. What a turkey! In the process of getting down off the top there, his tail caught in the cactus we keep up high, and now my mate's sock has stickers all up in it. Silly cat. 

Ooooo Look What You Made Me Do

In my last post, I explained all about how I am getting into AI art, and how I felt about it. I detailed how I come up with some of the images, and showed some images too. I even gave a short list of engines that I used to generate these images. But I didn't mention... Midjourney.

That's because I hate Discord. It's, as I said below, for the children. But the Midjourney Bot is only on Discord, and I finally broke down and re-downloaded Discord so I could check out Midjourney. And... now I am addicted.

Some say it is easier to come up with that you want from a prompt, I say it is slightly better than the others, when it comes to channeling your creativity properly, but it still has it's hangups. I tried to create pictures of my cats, as an example, and only one out of 4 came out the way I had wanted it to. I had to complete the other 3 using Starryai.

 Midjourney's art even looks different, unless you tell it not to. It will look like a painting. Here is an example:

 

I am enjoying playing around with it, but I'm not going to lose interest in the others that I like to use, either. Also, I am now creating a story using AI art, we'll see how that goes.