Dreamgirl

 Yesterday I asked my mate, Kit10phish, a question. I asked her, if her vision of what she likes in a woman is nothing like me, why'd she choose me?

I had never thought of that before but it was an honest question. The answer made complete sense. What you dream about isn't necessarily what you would actually wind up liking in real life. I dream of someone like Taylor Swift, but in reality she'd be too high maintenance for me (love ya Taylor no worries!). And Kit10phish would love a Karlie Kloss. But I am soooooo not like Karlie. Who am I like? Me.

I am... 5'3", 140 lbs (was lower but Oct - Dec is food time), Blonde & grey hair down to my shoulders (curly at the bottom and frizzy on top.. ugh), and very much not very girly. Don't get me wrong, I am feminine, but girly? No. I don't put barrets in my hair, I don't wear nail polish, I strongly dislike the color pink, and I walk very dykey. But I am not particularly masculine, either. I wear men's clothes and have the aforementioned Dyke walk, and from time to time have short hair (I hate how hair is used as a stereotype for sex and gender). But I lack a penis (thank god) and all that body hair that comes with being a male dude. On that Kinsey scale, if 1 were completely feminine and 10 totally masculine, I'd be a 6. Slightly more masculine than feminine, in looks. In personality and mannerisms, I'd be probably a 4.5. 

People are all different shapes, colors, sizes, etc. and just because I like things a certain way doesn't make me sexist, it just means that I like what I like. My refusal to wear nail polish because it is deemed as "girly" may come off as sexist, but it is so deeply ingrained because generally speaking most men, whose style I identify more with, do not wear nail polish.

What I'm trying to say, is that we as a society do not even notice when something is sexist or stereotyped. You have to look and see that I have boobs to know I am a woman? Well you should stop thinking of people who wear "men's" clothes and have short hair, as males. We girls can do that too. And why can't men wear skirts? Who said that only women wear those? I am trying to show the world that not all people are fitting into the mold of what they're "supposed" to look or act like, nor should anyone. Just be yourself. 

Like, if you're a girl... if you dig men's jeans because they don't have the built-in-hips (right??) why should that be "weird"? If you just did what you wanted and not what society tells you to want, you might look and act slightly different - and that's good! I am still a girl - I got the parts - but I just like what I like. I do have a shirt that is pink and I actually really like it. But it is a men's button-down with navy blue accompanying the pink. So I like to think I compromised, men's style, girl's color. But why is it a girl's color? I mean, I understand that men and women are built differently so our clothes naturally would be sized and formed differently. But colors? 

I don't like that baby boys get blue and baby girls get pink. Who says? Why? If I had a baby it would have a pastel yellow, or a pale green, as it's "theme" color. I'd paint its room with a neutral, and let the kid grow up liking whatever the fuck it wants to like. You're a boy and you play with barbies? Cool, whatever. You're a girl and you only like G.I. Joe? (Do they still have those?) Cool, whatever! I mean why do we have to fill roles?

I am very lucky to have found my mate. She is exactly perfect. Perfect in that she may not look like Taylor Swift, but no one else does either. She is her, and that is the most magnificent thing about her. Kit10phish is just who she is. And I like that. She is not "girly" (ugh) nor is she "manly" (ugh). She is feminine, definitely not masculine, but she's "sporty" and very cute. I thank my lucky stars! 

The other day my Father-In-Law-Ish-Type-Person (me & Kit10phish are not married) who has Parkinson's and therefore he is not always in his right mind/personality (thus not a sexist asshole or anything like that), didn't want to talk to us on a video call because he said, "Women chatter." Well that didn't really go over very well with us. I didn't know how to respond but she called him out on it. It's just so deeply ingrained in all of us. Can we ever break free?